I remember the colors of dusk creeping up through the window, in my parents bedroom in Timisoara. Me and my brother were sitting in their bed talking about our new lives. I remember we talked about a few distinct things : Big Wal-Mart stores, Bananas year-round, and how big everything was gonna be in America. Similarly, we were both right and wrong. We were right at face-value, America is a really wealthy country, everything is HUGE here (cars, meals, women) it is really awesome and its definitely improved our quality of life. But we were wrong about the entire assumption of the conversation – that we were going to be happier. To this day, anyone that knows me knows that my fondest memories are growing up in Romania, the munte, my family’s cabin, and my grandparent’s village house. I guess that’s the funny thing with change. There is a huge rush of emotions and we immediately want to assign it values of “good” or “bad”. What if we let just things be? America didn’t hurt me. And Romania wasn’t the best childhood ever – it was just beautiful, simple, and innocent, as all childhoods are. I think everyone feels heartbreak when their childhood ends. Mine was different only that it was abrupt and unexpected and I can pinpoint the exact day it was gone. But the more people I meet the more I realize we all felt this in an excruciatingly similar way.
Every time my family would go on a roadtrip or something, we always left at dusk. I think it’s a good time to leave. Everything is calm, and quiet. You can’t really raise your voice. You feel focused. You’ve got a destination and a road and you just have to go. It’s not complicated or stressful at all.
You know how memories come rushing back when you hear a song or smell a certain scent? When I see the colors of the sky at daybreak, the same thing happens. All those emotions of the night I left Romania come back, the memories of road-trips come back, I remember the trip across the Southern US, and most of all I feel a strange calm of anticipation.
The last couple days have been nerve-wracking, but I feel like dusk has come. I’m ready to go. I’m so excited to see all of Romania, I’m excited to play in snow, I’m excited to embrace my grandmother. I want to see Constanta and Brancusi sculptures, go to a cenaclu, and photograph and videorecord everything.