if others slithered between two air columns
the child who had never learned the race was running
as if swimming face to face with an ocean’s wall
his head like an iron ball
dragging the motionless body
only as far as the tethered roots could stretch
when his father carried him on his shoulders
the child felt through his nostrils
how the man’s steps slice the air
how the wind passes close to the ears as if
walking is another kind of flight allowed only to others
a perfectly directed music
with all his heart he would have liked to play
like a normal child
to forget he had had wings before growing roots
but others were faster while playing tag
they ran around him avoiding to touch him
he was left to be the savage defeated without fight
the blue acrobat in equilibrium on his ball
from another paradise
Comentarii
there are some beautiful
Trinity -
there are some beautiful images here: the child who had never learned the race was running, the blue acrobat in equilibrium on his ball
from another paradise.
I would review though the part with:
the child felt through his nostrils
how the man’s steps slice the air - sounds slightly heavy.. try: the child felt through his nostrils the air sliced by man's steps
and this part:
with all his heart he would have liked to play
like a normal child - sounds rather blunt in fact I would have bypassed verse 2 straight onto no 3 (stanza 3).
I sense the pain, strength through the unfortunate ordeal but sometimes people have to accept and move on and I don't think the poem is far from shining its message like a beacon!
Lovely to read you!:p
C
Thanks for your comment
Cristina Moldoveanu -
Thanks for your comment Corina! :) I partly agree with your suggestions. I will think about it. But I need to explain to you that the part you found difficult to read is intended to be a kind of metaphor or image depicting the easiness of father's walking steps compared to the difficulty of the child's amble and movement further in life...maybe that part is indeed necessary to be reviewed in the future. The whole poem is a kind of statement about the difficulty to adapt to the normal pace with a touch of supernatural, because for the child was easier to fly in the beginning. I, too, love to read you!, Cristina